I am writing this just to, still, in the same vein, sensitize and remind everybody at home that “to dey abroad no be easy things,

I go…

Here is what I extracted (an excerpt) directly from “London Yabis”, one of the heavyweight and as usual, sense-invoking musical comedy albums of that “yet-to-be-replaced” Yoruba son endowed and gifted with so much wisdom, Prince Gbenga Adeboye Funwontan…

I did not extract this because of the mundane reasons people are readily likely to think of, one of which is “may be because he is abroad and he does not want expectations to be very high on him” – Na today?!

“I want to go to America, I want to go to London, my case requires I go to Belgium, mine is Germany…” – these are what people are busy saying all around. The Nigerian Government has no reasoning faculty that all these “quick-wittedness and smartness” attributes of our people flying abroad are originally supposed to be effectively utilized in our fatherland, Nigeria. I have once said it before that the “visa lottery programme” is an invitation to the new slave trade; if you don’t have a very sharp brain or be a professional in your chosen career, the white man will never give you any visa. Once they approve and grant you a family visa, you are, one way or the other, mandated to fly over with all the dependents and you must dare not stay outside of that same country for a period of time beyond six months – And you feel you are not yet enslaved! Ok, tell me if that country is your FATHERLAND.

We also often feel it is that very easy to live abroad – that is a very deadly and wicked lie. It can be re-explained in a manner that says “the god of thunder can never be beheld with the naked eye, what you see is just the smoke exuding around, and accompanying him”.When a Londoner arrives at Nigeria, we are all left with our mouths wide open. Yes! They arrived and stuffed #2000 into your palm and you murmur to yourself “this is damn too small”, you better swiftly proceed to the embassy for visa, so that you too can fly over and witness how easy it is for them over there – I am very interested in knowing how much you will “dash” your people whenever you come home.

Hello! London! I salute you. The land where, of the entire women population, only 2.5% are married, the remaining 97.5% are single mothers with very many children, in similitude to the life of a rabbit. When you asked for their various fathers, the only response you get is “they have vanished”A

Allof you Nigerian ladies that have become “full of themselves”, engulfed with pride, saying “if my husband misbehaves, I’ll jilt him, don’t single parents live?!” Oh! I pity you. Actually, single parents do live, proceed to London to have a study of their lives – maybe from there, you can have a rethink about your way of “pride-laden” life; you will see your peers, heavily dressed with their jewelleries and roaming the streets – Just ask them “what led to this?”, you will be thoroughly lectured on how frustration, disappointment and solitude has made them become insane, when the responsibilities that should be jointly catered for, become hers alone. And if you think you have met a man that will eventually marry you, why don’t you get pregnant first? The maximum he can stay with you is two years – He will definitely see another woman and, off he goes.

I have seen a jobless man in London, that always squat with random sugar mummies; He sleeps anywhere he is able to find money for pleasure – And when such a man enters into Nigeria, with thick neck, he is immediately taken to have “come from London”, not knowing that our man is the grandfather of the gigolos.

I salute you once again, London. That city where the idle man cannot live in – You in Nigeria that think you are strong and agile, just try and get a “chamber maid” job – It is the job that requires you to arrange the bedroom. I am very sure you cannot arrange up to eighteen bedrooms before the exhaustion of your eight hours. The maximum you can arrange cannot be up to four if you are suffering from diarrhea. Ok! You may continue to play down what I am telling you – You think it is done in a haphazard manner like you do yours in your home?

Another person will decide to make a London returnee become insane because of “he gave me very small amount of money” – Because he is ignorant of the fact that they work like machines over there before making money. Ok, let me make an example of how some of them work, for you…

From 06:00am to 08:00am, it is cleaning job, from 09:00am till 05:00pm, it is cleaning assistant job for women and kitchen porter job for the men. As soon as it is 05:00pm, he/she leaves for home where they will have to rush over the various house chores that must be done because by 09:00pm, the third job, which is another cleaning job, is already welcoming them – They will be there till 11:00pm. If the man is so strong, brave and courageous and aware of the various responsibilities awaiting him at home, he would proceed to the fourth job which is security job. He would be there till 05:00am the following morning. As he comes back home very early in the morning (05:00am), he is left with only one choice – to rush into the shower, freshen up and proceed out of the house to the first job of the day, the 06 to 08 cleaning job.

…And how much do you think is their wage that makes you feel you need a calculator to calculate it? It seems you don’t know that most of these moneys go into the payment of electricity, water and gas bills and taxes. They pay all manner of bills, the most reason why most of them cannot come home – The one that was able to come home, summoned courage to give you money, only for you to be unnecessarily angry with him.

OR do you think it is the “Care Assistant” job that has been honourably modified to be called “Nursing” you desire to do because you feel it should be money-fetching? You think it is only to pack and dispose of the metabolic wastes of the aged ones and wearing pampers for those who are invalids? Well! I initially thought so, too, not until one day I directly witnessed what it entails – when I followed one of my friends to her place of “Nursing” work; she had already worn a diaper for the old man and was about to fasten it when the man defecated in the most unexpected manner; it was a splatter of faeces that scattered all over her hands, face, chest and clothes, filled with malodour. I was so irritated to the extent that I shouted – she gently responded by saying “I am used to it, that is what I always endure” – The money raised from this dirty job is exactly what was sent to you at home while you, in turn, diabolically manipulate them.

OR are you praying to get a visa in order to go and secure a “toilet cleaning” job? May your prayers be answered so that you can, at least, secure the one with “a bit high” wage – The public toilets; then you will be able to realise that JESUS is not a Muslim and Prophet Mohammed never shouted hallelujah. By the time you come across “stubborn shits” of various sizes, shapes and colours that refused to be flushed, you will marvel. If you had already made an attempt to flush them before you realised they are “unflushable”, then you are in for a bigger trouble – because by now, all the shits plus the water you unleashed unto them would have escaped from the WC onto the floor of the toilet room, leaving you with only one option – scooping up of the water and the shits. Mind you, the ones left at the bottom of the WC have also refused to move. Since the white men already had a premonition of this disaster, they already provided some pairs of hand gloves inside the toilet. Now, whether you like it or not, without you being a prisoner serving a jail term, you have to wear those gloves on your hands and use the same hands to first remove/pack all those shits stucked in the WC, not leaving behind the menstrual pads that were also dropped in the WC, heavily soaked with blood – the very major reason for the blockage.

The white men can never, as a result of a foolish decision(s), be paying a certain amount of money to the blacks for the services they render; they must have first considered so many dirty and stressful things involved in the job which will be commensurate with the amount they are paying. They will never pay you that money they are aware you will not spend – this is justified by the introduction of heavy taxes on income earners, coupled with the ridiculous bills that must be paid/settled. Atimes, people hardly have sufficient money to clothe themselves because of the manner the money always disappears – At least you must eat, too.

This is exactly what somebody passed through before being able to make the savings, which he sent to you (as a trusted associate) in order to help him erect a building, since he cannot venture into coming home – because he does not have a residence permit yet. You now take the money and begin to squander it anyhow, taking the photos of non-existent buildings and sending to him as his own house. The day he was able to decipher that you have been hoodwinking him, you embarked on a journey of using diabolical means of locking him out over there – you have forgotten that there is still law of Karma that will come to apply to you, and your children inclusive?!

Europe! I salute you, including your younger one called America. These are the countries where the obtainment of “Residence Permit” is the major cause of separation between couples. It is like London’s foundation was cursed with a curse of “consistent divorce” – Only 1 out of 1,000,000 marriages survives – this is because the wives lack respect for their husbands and all in the name of “bills payment”. Sometimes too, divorce happens because the wife may become proud, uncontrollable and arrogant to her husband just because she earns more income than the husband. You think even me will continue to live with a woman that has refused to acknowledge me as the husband? I will rather go for a sugar mummy – When we are not welded together! And if she claims to have seen a man that will marry her, I give them maximum of two years – He will go. You see a woman having four children with three different fathers – Kai! I pity the future of such woman, because it is in the future that she will realise that she has done no good to herself.

If as husband, you have your wife over there, always phoning you that she has been trying, only that the lack of residence permit is the only reason she cannot come home yet, you had better forget about her and marry another wife – because some other persons have been carrying out your primary duty of servicing her, it is only that she is yet to conceive. The one that gave you her word that she will come around after a year, has she come? Ok! Continue to expect something untrue.

London! I greet you once again – That is the city where they teach children how to be rude and ill-mannered; It is exactly like they have manipulated those children by spell – No matter how small and young a child is, the first telephone number they know is 999, without even knowing it belongs to the Police. Also, they (the white men) always sensitize the little black children to always call the police anytime their parents spank them – when they themselves always spank their own children. They do this so that their own children can have good upbringing while the children of the blacks are headstrong and perverse. You are liable to be jailed for six months for spanking your child on two different occasions for doing a bad thing – What nonsense! If it happens the third time, then the child would be withdrawn from you. He/she becomes the child of the government – Not for any other reason than for him/her to be completely enslaved in the future.

These are the few things our people are suffering in those foreign countries they go to. Whenever they come home, what you should do is to greet them “WELDONE”. If they send money to you for a particular purpose, spend it the way it will make them happy, please – Do not make the money useless and unfruitful. Let the money yield fruit and let it be prudently used. Such money can be taken/likened to be “gun-powder”, do not sit on it… And please, do not enchant them _ Remember that you also have your own children.

The case of our people living abroad can be likened to the case of a sheep that lost its lamb, bleating NNKAN N BE!!! (meaning THERE IS SOMETHING!!!)

…(As culled from “London Yabis” by Late Prince Gbenga Adeboye Funwontan)

GOD bless Prince Gbenga Adeboye Funwontan (of blessed memory)

GOD bless The Entire Yoruba Race

GOD bless The Federal Republic of Nigeria

Akinlosoye, A. Adekunle